The Formation of the Knot

 

When a knot forms it entangles everything in its path
Growing bigger by consumption
At it’s start its a single thread
Solidtude

Science says we are all made up of vibrating strands
But what if mine is tangled
Can I undo it myself?
Can I do it myself?
Can I undo myself?

I gave up on unting myself a long time ago
Succomb to the knot tied to my core
Feeding it strand by strand
Pulling at my ego, protected by my numbness

But I think it time to let go
To be consumed by the knot
I think to really find something you need to see the center
The pinpoint, the origin
As nothing ever begins, constantly stuck in a perpetual middle

I dive deeper
As pain intensifies it transforms into absence
Ultimately everything turns into nothing
When something hurts it brings me confort
There is passion in the pain
There is history in the scar
There is always a knot in the strand
Cracking perfection
Disrupted rebellion

I submit to the freedom that seeks to control me
I used to pride myself on not crying
It felt weak to manifest my pain
Tears falling, teeth vibrating
My hands shake
And the floor is the only thing that can hold me

Solitude is quiet
Silence screams and some feelings have no words
But it feels good to be free
To exist in a world turned to black j

Living at the center becomes me
Perceived emptiness filled with everything

When I was little I would stare at myself in the mirror
Brushing my hair as flat as I could
Glued to my head, hidden
I pulled it so tight it would hurt
Bristles from my brush banging on a scalp

Every morning I redid my braids
Undoing the previous day’s tangles
Curls bound to eachother, parts separatedTension had a permanent residency on my head

You can’t run from yourself
Ive tried
You end up running into yourself

A strand in the part
A part in the braid
A braid in sculpture of my identity

Unable to escape you must accept
That when you mix every color together
You always get black
It always comes back

When a knot forms it entangles everything in its path
Growing bigger by consumption
At it’s start its a single thread
Solidtude